182 Days

Half year passed....say what?!?

Grumbling of work exhaustion, sticking my nose on my phone, Running Man's, chit-chats with my mum, hanging around & etc....

Doing things without realizing that today was 2nd July.

Time really does whizzing away fast....

 And yes, its been 182 days since.

All this time around is just about work, money and future plan.

Nothing much special really happening.

Except an unstable working atmosphere I had these days.

I admit it was quite exhausted working with lost of motivation.

Really tiring indeed.

If I really can't get over it, I might decided to give up and resign from work.

 But with a strong mindset I had, I can't.

Well seriousness aside then.

Doesn't want to bother anymore.

Just enjoy the ride and feel the freedom of doing everything I think of.

That's what I prefer to do :)

Guess that's the end of this post.

Long finger nails aren't helping now while hitting the keyboards....

I hate it !!! But mind my nails....I still want to keep it. *Ah-hah !*

Ciao~ :D 

 

Raging About The Injustice

I'm 20 this year. Young. Immature. Can't vote.

Seeing the condition of my country really does disappointing.

Heart wrecking too.

I know I'm still lack of knowledge about political issues.

But I know what is right and what is wrong.

I know what is fair and what is not.

I really just can't believe my eyes, my ears of what I saw or heard.

I am really disappointing. Really disappointing. Really disappointing.

I never meant to post these here.

But I just kinda wanna express my thoughts.

I do love my country but not like this.

Seeing my country turned like this is really saddening.

But.....give me 5 more years.

I'll vote for CHANGE.

 

 #INIKALILAH #UBAH 

#BLACKPARADE #SILENTMARCH

 "Through it all the rise and fall......

......we'll carry on"

Its May Already ??

Really so unpredictable that time does ticking fast.

Just a blink of an eye and we are hitting May already.

No more the same old sentence of 'please be good / be awesome'.

I'll just let it be and see how my days would turn out.

Well, my April turn out a tough one for me and I can say it was quite sucks.

Depression, stress, confusion.

Any more words that describe depression?

You can add up my list for it. :)

hahahaha...

I could see that I had abandoning my blog for a month or half before I finally update.

All my time is really fully occupied with work, movies, rest....

Did I mention that I'd seldom going out like I used to ?

Now I even rather stay at home !!!

I feel like I'm an old lady already.

Truthfully, I don't even have time for myself.

Always wanted to look for a companion to have some personal talks.

But well, all of my b*tches is either not at hometown, having exams, no chance to hang out....

....or lost?

Arghhhh...really dying of personal chit-chats !!!!

I'm dying inside really T.T

.............................................

Till next post then. I'm sleepy.

:)

Is It A Sign ?

When my mind in these days thinking of the word,

give up

.....something told me don't.

I feel tired and confused at the moment.

One more step I would be deciding on giving up.

But every time I wanna do so, there came songs containing lyrics of...

not giving up.

Wow, such coincidences?

Its not just once. Its......well, I lose count !

I want to walk a slower path of life.

I don't want to rush things at the moment.

Everything is just too fresh for me.

I need time to slowly see things clearly.

Shit just got complicated when you grow up.

Losing Focus

I don't know where to begin.
These few days I'm getting all kind of stress.
From work to my future plans.

I started to break down.
Crying silently from all those distress.
Wanted to give up. Losing hope.
Losing grip of standing strong for my life.
I could say that I'm lost. Confused.

I don't know what to do.
I don't know where my motivation goes.
I used to be so determined that nothing could pull me down.
I used to be strong that even a slight weakness might not be easy to break me.

But why?
Why everything goes the opposite way?
Why am I started to become so damn weak?
Why am I losing focus?

Am I the one that change?
Or the life now has other new plans?
And wanted to test me?

Did I fail? :'(

Yes or No ?

It's been a long time, huh?

I almost forgot about this blog.

In the middle of having my bath, baru I remember it.

Actually not much to update.

My job getting more task. No time to have a rest.

Basketball game with my colleagues. Yumcha.

Just normal days.

But of course in everyday, I would be always had this one problem kept interfering me.

In this growing up life I had, many life choices I need to make.

One of it was entering Uni or continuing working.

This question has always haunting me.

I don't know which path I should choose.

At the meantime, I had obstruction at both choices.

Please give me an answer.

I don't know where to go.

Of course, I always intended to choose studying.

By that way, I able to go somewhere out from my hometown.

Somewhere different.

But as always, every choices made come with its consequences. 

Study or no study?

Leave or no leave?

Its all depends on my STPM results and the Uni acceptance letter.

Birthdays, Games

After a long day of work, rushing back home as quick as possible...
Went out celebrate a mini and simple birthday for two of my buddies.
Didn't really had a good planning for it but we had prepared presents for them.
Really so sorry for it since most of us are busy working.

But at least we had a good time talking, playing games.
I could see that all of us really had fun.
Most of all, nice meeting my dear all the way from S'pore through Facetime.
Talk quite a lot too...miss her so much :)

And yeah...meeting him again too.
Seeing him much longer than the last time.
Feel happy too.
But I guess its enough till now.

Need time to let it go.

The February

Can't believe that it's February now.

Been busy lately and doesn't had much time to go online.

Quite much has been happen.

Some happy. Some sad. Some frustration. Some disappointment.

Anyway,

So yesterday I'd been having love topics with my colleagues.

Its funny talking these with them since I'm the only girl among them.

At least I learnt something from them boys.

'If you wanted something, its not wrong to sacrifice something out to have it.

There's a chance out there, so why give it up?

Its not wrong to try.'

Through those love advice they gave me, I'm thinking of hope.

But then, I had another answer.

At first I was like hoping but then the table turns.

I understand.

But how can I let go?

Can I stop all these feelings by spilling out all the words I left unspoken?

Give me one more chance, please?

:'(

Still The Same

Alright I need to calm myself down this time.

I don't know if I feel happy or sad.

But I was glad I met you again.

Last night went yumcha with my buddies.

And of course he was there.

I told them to invite him over too.

Well is not wrong to see him again right? :)

Yea, even though what had happened before.

I'd tried to erase the feelings I had towards that guy but unfortunately I failed.

I admit I still like him.

So I just let time change me.

Honestly, I'm really happy seeing him last night.

I just pretend that I didn't had feelings to him when we talked.

Just trying not to make the conversations awkward.

Its simply "just friend only".

When its time to go, I got this feeling of not wanting to go and just stay there.

Why happy times have to be pass so fast?

Saying goodbye was quite hard when I was looking at him.

aarggghhhh, i need help !

Okay, cut the chase.

Conclusion is I still had feeling towards him.

But its impossible.

Its About Work

Sorry for this late update.

Didn't able to have a chance to go online.

And my apologies, I think I can't post my 2012 highlights.

So I just keep that in my life album then.

Just for me to know :)

I'd started working on the 7th Jan @ Mc.Com.

It was lucky for me to scored the second interview after my first one the day before.

After two weeks working there, I had so much fun there.

All  my colleagues were so funny that I can't stop laughing at their silly teases.

I really had fun working there.

But maybe not long I will be transfer to another new branch, I guess?

I will be separate with my sot-sot colleagues.

Will miss them so much :(

At the time being I'm still working along with them.

I guess the time is coming soon.

Gonna be Smart Ape family soon.

 Ape just got smart :)

Hardships

It's the second day of new year.

Nothing been much happier since new year eve.

Undergoing a very tough personal situation.

Been crying non-stop since then and I can't help it.

Having insomnia since then.

Always drifting myself apart at home.

Hiding in the room alone. Crying.

When can all these stops?

Did I done something terrible?

Why am I living with fear now?

Am I regretting on what I'd done?

Can I stop suffering?

How long should I stand it?

Can I run away and avoid these?

But on what had happen, I won't apologize.

This is what I felt for so long.

There's no way I'm taking back my words.

My truth.

Of what had happen, I know at least I got somebody to hold on to.

My mum and my sis. i'm sorry for the trouble i'd caused. please be with me.

My aunt. i'm sorry for letting you seen all these mess. thanks so much for the support and care.

My friends. thanks for being there for me. i'm sorry for giving so much trouble at the wrong timing. hope you guys had a nice new year day. i'm really sorry.

Anyway to all those that care for me, just give me some time to recover.

I know all these weren't your troubles but you guys still stay here with me.

I will not let you all worry about me.

But please in this moment, be there for me.

As long I'm not okay, at least I know where to turn to.

I promise I'll recover soon.

I don't ask much but just be here with me at the time being.

Last but not least, thank you.